Mike Shor: Humor

Academic Publications Glossary

"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...: I didn't look up the original reference.
"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"...: These data are practically meaningless.
"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"...: An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"...: The other results didn't make any sense.
"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"...: This is the prettiest graph.
"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...: I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"IN MY EXPERIENCE"...: Once
"IN CASE AFTER CASE"...: Twice
"IN A SERIES OF CASES"...: Thrice
"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"...: I think.
"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"...: A couple of others think so, too.
"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"...: Wrong.
"ACCORD1NG TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"...: Rumor has it.
"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"...: A wild guess.
"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"...: Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"...: I don't understand it
"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"...: They don't understand it either.
"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOGGS FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"...: Mr. Bloggs did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"...: A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER 1NVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"...: Too hard to follow through on my recommended further directions. I quit.
"CLEARLY"...: I don't want to write down all the "in-between" steps.
"IT CAN EASILY BE SHOWN"...: No more than two weeks are required.
"PROOF OMITTED"...: Trust me.